Title: Snippets
Author: Getty
Rating: M

Pairing: Aragorn/Legolas and pretty much the rest of the LoTR cast
Summary: A prize to anyone who can summarize this, because I sure canít, lol.

Feedback: Yes itís been nearly 2 years since I last wrote anything and I would love to hear what you all think.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine; which is just a sad sad thing.

A/N: I offer no excuses for what you are about to read, other than even after all this time these snippets still just crack me up!!

 

 

EMAIL: Getty

 

 

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Legolas hated sex

Aragorn hated sex

so they never had sex together

THE END

 

Legolas like to be on top

Aragorn liked to be on top

so they both went to the big top together 

THE END

 

Leglas was a hottie in elf pants

Aragorn was a hottie when he brushed his hair

One day Legolas lost his pants and Aragorn lost his hair

So they had sex

THE END

 

Legolas liked the missionary position

Aragorn liked ANY position as long as he was getting laid

so they had sex but.... it was just OK

THE END

 

Legolas had a thing for beards

Aragorn had a thing for hobbits

so one day Frodo and Gimli had sex

Legolas and Aragorn killed them, then they had sex

THE END

 

One day Legolas and Aragorn were arguing

Legolas told Aragorn to "stick it where the sun don't shine"

Aragorn did...but it wasn't the best he'd ever had.

THE END

 

Legolas's penis was 12 inches long

Aragorn's penis was 2 inches long

That's the long and the short of it

THE END

 

Legolas liked to dance

Aragorn had two left feet

So they shagged HORIZONTALLY

THE END

 

Legolas left the seat down

Aragorn left the seat up

One day Legolas fell in and drowned

THE END

 

Legolas hated commitment

Aragorn hated commitment

so they never got committed

THE END

 

Legolas liked it 

Aragorn liked it

So they went down to the corner drugstore and got ice cream

THE END

 

Sam liked Frodo

Frodo liked Gold

so Frodo had Sam bronzed

THE END

 

Legolas liked to have his ass spanked

Thranduil like to spank his monkey

So they went to the petting zoo

THE END

 

Gandalf had a long white staff

Aragorn had a long silver sword

So they sat around all day trying to decide whose was longer

THE END

 

Eowyn liked men

Eomer was a man

so Eowyn and Eomer did it

THE END

 

Wormtongue was not just a bad name

Theodred was not just a bad man

so they did it badly in bed

THE END

 

Arwen had long brown hair

Lord Elrond had a shiny silver hair piece

Arwen killed him for it

THE END

 

Legolas liked to fish

Aragorn liked to hunt

So they went and played golf

THE END

 

Legolas liked to knit

Aragorn liked to sew

They needled each other the rest of the night

THE END

 

Legolas liked to bake bread

Aragorn liked to bake cookies

So they kneaded one another all night long

THE END

 

legolas had a tight ass

aragorn had a tight ass

so they let their donkeys graze together

THE END

 

Legolas hated humans

Aragorn hated elves

so they never did it

THE END

 

Legolas was always getting laid

Aragorn never got laid

so they went to Hawaii

THE END

 

Legolas Greenleaf took a stick

And he gave Aragorn 40 licks

when he saw what he had done

He gave Aragorn a blow job

THE END

 

I think I'm going to kill Legolas and Aragorn

they have more sex than I do

THE VERY END